Sunday, 1 March 2009


10 years ago last September was the anniversary of my third, and so far final. attempt at being a mom. It ended in an ectopic pregnancy.
Needless to say, we were both completely torn apart by what had happened. Then someone said that all children that did not quite make it into this world should be thought of a butterflies. Beautiful, silent, and watching over us from the skies.
With this in mind, Paul bought me a swarkowski crystal butterfly. Very extravagant, but something we both needed to remind us of our little boy (I had decided, it was a boy very early on, who knows why!)
Anyway, a few weeks after the anniversary, I was dusting, and the butterfly came apart in my hands.
I placed it back onto the mantle piece, and let it rest there until I felt able to work on the repairs it needed.
Today was that day.
All four wings had come away, but with remarkably steady hands, I began to piece it back together again....

First one side....
And then the other.....

And finally he was all in one piece once more

Since we have had our little crystal butterfly, there has been a real butterfly turn up, in the chapel on 3 separate occasions, when we have attended family funerals. At my Grampi, my Nan and my Dad's funerals.

Each time the butterfly has fluttered inside the bay window just behind the coffin, before making it's way back outside.....

Now there is food for thought.


Allycat said...

When I read this post over a week ago, I didn't want to comment immediately. I wanted to think about what I was going write (something I very rarely do!) and write something eloquant (spelling?). Anyway, I still can't think of what I really want to say, or how I want to say it, only know that I was thinking of you lots this past week! Anyway, I had a cousin who lost his child shortly after birth a few months ago. They also chose a Butterfly as a symbol. Apparently a nurse saw a butterfly in the hospital room above the babies crib after the baby had been taken away. I dont think I could ever look at a butterfly again without some emotion, both sad and good. :-)

Joanne said...

Thanks Ally - since writing this, many friends have told me that they have read it and that butterflies mean something similar to them too.... makes you wonder how much truth there is in it and where the stories began in the first place doesn't it! xx